Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Holidays from Cephalopods everywhere!

Originally blogged at Archie McPhee's Endless Geyser of Awesome (which we at CTP are inclined to suggest is in fact an endless geyser of awesome) - we bring you some Holiday cheer in the form of everyone's favorite tentacled elder god!

They write:
"Faced with the realisation that we suddenly had room enough to put up our own Christmas tree, I was initially at a loss when considering how to decorate it. We have no ornaments and the idea of shopping for them made me drowsy. I can’t remember what first brought to mind the image of a tree covered in tentacles (perhaps it’s best not to ask), but as soon as I envisioned it I couldn’t let go of the idea.
Using an artificial tree, blue string lights, silver garland, one plush Cthulhu (who has been silently biding his time in my home for years), approximately 50 Cthulhu Tentacles, and a little heady chanting (no one wants to upset the Great Old Ones), “A very Lovecraft Christmas” became a reality. I’m rather pleased with the results. Let’s hope the Old Ones are too. I’m beginning to suspect that it writhes when I’m not looking.
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn."

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Photo and quoted content © Archi McPhee


nullalux said...

Next, a tentacled menorah! :)

(O)CT(O)PUS said...

Cephalo-Festivus (i.e. what y’all call Season Greetings) is that time of year to contemplate the meaning of life. This may come as a shock to you, but cephalopods do not worship Cthulhu – only readers of H. P. Lovecraft do that. We prefer the Tetragrammaton, ‘WAHU’ (pronounced “wah-hoo,”) which has nothing to do with holy mackerel or monkfish. Sometimes, we attend the Universal Universalist Church of C-D (pronounced ‘cod’), which has nothing to do with pious carp. Most cephalopods are free thinkers.

This week in The Times of India science section, there was report on spiders, specifically why female spiders nibble off the heads of males. It prolongs copulation and ensures insemination. Not so odd, I thought. Among human beings, there are close correlations between sex and headless males.

For black widows, cannibalism results in healthier babies, since head munching the male transfers nutritional benefits to the offspring. Not so odd, I thought. How many human males lose their heads raising teenagers.

Cephalopods also experience a close correspondence between Eros and Thanatos, since propagation of the species is our last undertaking in life. After we find a mate and exchange Wows, Mr. and Mrs. Octopus irrigate and nurture the clutch without rest or food until we drop from exhaustion – falling easy prey to predators. It’s an inglorious and ignominious end to an otherwise sublime and contemplative life.

Nevertheless, I consider myself fortunate. At least our young come into this world fully programmed to survive without intervention from the parents. It means no encumbrances such as life insurance, mortgages, retirement annuities, or college savings plans.

What my human friends tell me: They have spent a lifetime saving for retirement and their kids’ education. Yet, their IRAs, 401Ks, 529s, and homes are all underwater.

Underwater is natural for a cephalopod but apparently bad news for a human being.